Thank you, Lifetime, for making it work.

Last night, after many many long months, Project Runway finally returned to TV. I recently read a pretty interesting article about how Lifetime represents a very different lifestyle brand than Bravo, but their purchase of the show seemed more like fans wanting to see more of the show they love than a new force trying to change the show for a different audience.

While last night's episode was a tad disjointed, it had pretty much everything that fans of the show could want. Crazy contestants, both pretty and ugly runway dresses, Heidi Klum, and of course, like manna from heaven, Tim Gunn. Tim Gunn is wonderful. He is a balm on my spirit in these troubling times.

I once had to explain to my friend Evan that Chuck Palahniuk's Fight Club is about what happens to a society of men raised entirely by women. It seems obvious to me now that in America we live in a society of women raised entirely by Tyra Banks. This is a frightening thought, but I feel like at least I can run away from Tyra into Uncle Tim Gunn's soothing presence.

This season is set in L.A., which I love, though I can't help feeling that Tim Gunn's fair skin and three-piece suits are not quite compatible with our lovely city. To commemorate the change of location, the runway challenge had to do with the red carpet, and I liked how that allowed the contestants to pick a red carpet event to suit their tastes and their garment. Also, for those of you who didn't know that L.A. has a Mood, it's on Pico and La Brea next to Pearl Art Supplies. I just discovered it last week!

The contestants. Qrystal has a dumb name, but is sweet and well-meaning and can design for women of different shapes, which will be an advantage for the inevitable "design a dress for a typical Lifetime viewer" challenge or whatever. Malvin is this season's Christian Siriano hair, and brought the pretentious "I don't want to deny anyone access to my art" explanation for his androgynous style. (Love it.) One of the dudes is a recovering meth addict, and cried almost as much as Ricky the Gay Sex Hat did from last season (two seasons ago? Lost track). Epperson is 49 and kind of awesome; just doing this for his family, &c. Also, fivehead + dreds. Ari's a mess. I wanted to like her, but she's as nutty as that Asian guy from last season who sent a shower curtain with rubber gloves down the runway. Spoiler alert: Ari also was the first to go home. Christopher looks ethnically Minnesotan and has a chinstrap, but he never went to fashion school and his sketches are straight from deviantart, and I just want him to do alright.

As for the clothes, I really liked Irina's champagne silk, even though it was so simple. It was one of the only truly red carpet-ready dresses of the evening:

Christopher's winning dress was so not my style, but I could absolutely see it on some Disney starlet at the Teen Choice Awards or something, so he did what he did perfectly:

Ari did this to the world:
I like the Mars/Venus thing growing out of the top of her head like a Teletubby's antenna, and also the legs made of crutches. I always feel bad for the model who gets paired with Insane McCrazy, trying to work it but knowing she's gotta go home.

Also, Lindsay Lohan was there. No one cared.

Project Runway airs Thursday nights at 10pm on Lifetime.

It begins...

On Sunday, the new episode of Mad Men heralded the return of my fall season scripted shows. Last night on Bravo, the premiere of Top Chef: Las Vegas, did the same for "reality TV." I'm not as into Top Chef as I am Project Runway (returning tonight, at long last!), but I do enjoy it so, for reasons that mostly escape me. I am never that interested in the contestants, and watching people cook on TV is always a double-edged sword, creating hunger without satisfying it.

I like to think I've picked up a couple of ideas about interesting flavors to pair, or kitchen skills I should use, but for the most part this show is straight entertainment. It's not like I am often put in a position where I have to cook a quickfire challenge, or feed hors d'oeuvres to 150 teamsters on a boat or something.

But between Iron Chef, and Hell's Kitchen, and any of the other cooking challenge shows out there, Top Chef remains my favorite. Well, the original Iron Chef has its many charms, which I can't deny. I do watch those shows where they make gorgeous cakes out of fondant and building supplies though, I can't help it.

Anyway, Padma, Tom, and of course Gael, were all back in fine form last night. The season having just started, I am still a bit lost among the many contestants, and there was barely enough time for the judges, including guest Wolfgang Puck, to really go into detail about the dishes. The Las Vegas backdrop was introduced with some showgirls prancing around the kitchen, and a "high-stakes" quickfire which awarded a $15,000 chip to the victor. The cleverest move was using Vegas' most popular foods in the challenges. I hope to see a challenge where the contestants have to cook for an all-you-can-eat buffet. My boyfriend and I had an awesome time eating crab legs, root beer floats, and assorted meats at the MGM Grand for every meal one day in May.

There is only one standout* contestant so far, and that is Mattin.
He's French.

Anyway, the chick that went home last night stuffed a poblano chile with seitan, so in my opinion she should have been slapped across the face. And Gael dove into the bacon donuts with chocolate beer sauce with the same gusto I would have, cementing my opinion that she'd be such a cool gal to hang out with.

*He stands out because of the lolzworthy neckerchief and nothing else, for the record.

The End Times are upon us.

Early this morning, I heard the worst movie news in some time: Lionsgate is remaking its 1987 classic Dirty Dancing. Disgraceful, isn't it? New readers, you may want to revisit my earlier written praise of this awesome movie, so as to get a full appreciation of my feelings toward this news. I read the news this morning on The Tracking Board, and heard it confirmed on Ralph Garman's "showbiz beat" on the KROQ Kevin & Bean show. Rumor has it that the story will be updated to modern day, but I have yet to find that out conclusively.

There are a million problems with this. I hope that it is actually going to be set in the '60s, like the original. Not only would the cultural appreciation for Mad Men and its ilk make the story a little more marketable, but the central conflict between Baby and Johnny would actually make sense! I'm not so naïve that I think an upper-middle-class young woman fooling around with a summer resort dance instructor at least a few years her senior wouldn't still piss off her father in modern times. But we're talking about dirty dancing.

How many Save the Last Dance and Step Up iterations have to go by before filmmakers realize that a girl learning how to sway her hips, while potentially indicative of sexual awakening, is not quite the society-shaking protestacular that it might have been at Kellerman's in the early '60s.

I do wonder if this may be a remake of the stage musical based on the original, à la The Producers (failure) and Hairspray (success). Interestingly, both of those movies were set in the '60s too, but Hairspray had that awesome John Waters '80s vibe. This may be the most successful way to remake the movie. A modern take might incorporate krumping or something really awkward, and a straight retelling of the original movie would be a cheesy Psycho job.

This whole thing makes me feel very unsettled! In high school, when Dirty Dancing: Havana Nights came out, my friends and I came up with a few other potential sequels. The most popular remains Dirty Dancing 3: Tienanmen Square. Log line: He was a student revolutionary. She drove a tank. Through the art of traditional Chinese folk dance...can they find love?

Old news

So, we all know that I hate Twilight. But I was chatting with my awesome friend Neil today (whose blog Eggshellman I was going to link to, but the link won't work), and a spontaneous Twilight rehash happened. Enjoy.

Bella: I'm so clumsy! I can't do anything! I'm a girl!

Edward: YOU SMELL DELICIOUS Bella: Daddy issues!Edward: I WILL WATCH YOU SLEEP WITHOUT YOUR PERMISSION Bella: I like it when you take control Edward: YOU CAN'T DO ANYTHING WITHOUT RUNNING IT BY ME FIRST BECAUSE YOU ARE HELPLESS AND I WILL TAKE CARE OF YOU Bella: Kiss me! Edward: NO BECAUSE THEN I WILL WANT TO BONE YOU AND PREMARITAL SEX IS BAD Edward: ALSO I'M A VAMPIRE AND IF WE HAVE SEX I'LL PROBABLY KILL YOU Edward: 'CAUSE THAT'S WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU HAVE SEX OUT OF WEDLOCK Edward: twinkle Bella: I am so insecure! Every boy: She's gorgeous! Every girl: I wanna be her! The end. Neil: LOL, LOL, LOL me: i have only read the first book but i have an understanding of the other three Bella: Also I like a vampire! Jacob: I am a native American and also a werewolf Bella: You're sexy too Edward: ANGER! Bella: Edward, make me a vampire please! The thought of aging disgusts me! More insecurity issues for young female readers to have! Edward: NO I WILL NOT Bella: Please just touch my crotch a little bit. Edward: NO Edward: Okay fine but ONLY IF WE GET MARRIED Bella: Sex is a metaphor for turning into a vampire! (they get married) Edward: Okay, I will bone you now, but only after I turn you into a vampire or else the sex will kill you Bella: Nah, I like it rough, and also I want you to abuse me. Edward: 'kay. (they have sex, it almost kills her) Bella: I'm pregnant! Renesmee: I am your unborn 1/2 vampire baby! I will try to kill you from within your womb! (she gives birth literally a month later) Jacob: I AM IN LOVE WITH THAT BABY. (yes, this actually happens) Edward: BITE BITE BITE Bella: Wheee I'm a vampire now and I'm SO pretty! Edward: sparkle
Fin.

Limit your exposure.

Attn: I am going to be recapping individual episodes of Mad Men each week, so anyone who isn't caught up should avoid these posts and the spoilers within. This means you, Dad.

Last night, the third season of everyone's favorite show, Mad Men, finally premiered. Their marketing in recent weeks, with a Mad Men Casting Call contest (brilliantly tied in to Banana Republic), a "Mad Men Yourself" avatar maker, and wonderful Don Draper drowning ads, has built the anticipation up perceptibly. I am a Mad Men latecomer, having watched the first two seasons on DVD this year, subsequently purchased them, and rewatched. I have a track record of getting into shows two seasons too late (Lost, House, HIMYM, Grey's Anatomy -- though Grey's and I broke up at the end of season 3), so I am familiar with the "good hurt"* of watching the third season premiere on television, ingesting the goods with commercials and weeklong breaks for the first time. This is never as bad as it was with Lost, and thankfully last night's Mad Men had limited advertising (ironically enough).

But enough of that. Let's talk content. The show's opening, in which Don imagines his birth, the birth of Dick Whitman. I love seeing scenes of Dick's cornpone youth, because it is so jarring when juxtaposed with the crisp, bespoke Don Draper's adult life. Betty is heavily pregnant, and mostly glossed over in this episode. I can't wait to see her given more screen time, though she was a focus of the end of season 2.

Peggy and Joan, everyone's favorite characters, were also mostly glossed over, but each revealed something interesting about recent months. Peggy's got her own secretary now, who is less enthused about respecting Peggy's status than even her male coworkers. And Joan mentioned that she is going to be "out of here" before too long. Did her rape last season, at the hands of her fiancé, crush the ambition and pride she once had in her job? Is she planning to become a housewife? Answers soon, please!

Things are still a little nebulous at Sterling Cooper, or at least I still don't quite have a grasp on who's who in the boardroom since the merger. There's definitely a British presence in the office, and strings are being pulled, but everything just seems generally in flux. Pete and Ken were both sneakily offered the job of Head of Accounts, and are going to have to share the title until one of them knocks the other off the pedestal (American Gladiator style, one hopes). Pete made a quick reference to Peggy, seeming very cold towards the mention of her name. I can only imagine that in the months since her confession to him last season, he has taken pains to avoid her whenever possible.

The most captivating arc in the episode was easily Don's and Sal's business trip to Baltimore. Accidentally in disguise, the two end up attracting the attention of some stewardesses and a pilot, with whom they share dinner. Predictably, Don and Shelly, the more "game" of the two girls, end up arm in arm upstairs. She hesitates briefly about their tryst, saying she's engaged, but he might be her "last chance." Don's reply, "I've been married a long time. You get plenty of chances," was kind of chilling. Don't you think if you were engaged, and some handsome guy you were considering riding dirty with said that, you'd get so skeeved out? And also intimidated at the onset of your own marital discord? He admits it's his birthday, and I suspect it really is -- Dick's, not Don's -- so they do end up in bed. Shelly's awkward prattle while undressing was uncomfortable to watch, as it represented the nervous insecurity of most women, standing nude in front of a stranger.

And then Sal -- Sal! -- finally had some screen time devoted to his biggest secret, the fascinating storyline hinted at since the pilot. We've heard whispers of Sal's homosexuality, and times when it was teased at but thwarted, but in general his suave je ne sais quoi, or as we call it today, his "sparkle," has been written off as Italianism. Last night a young bellman made the first move, kissing and undressing Sal who was too stunned to be more than a passive participant. Actor Bryan Batt did such a good job of portraying breathlessly exactly what was going on. It was his dream, his worst fear, and it was too good to be true. The confirmation of what he'd never admitted to himself.

Of course, a fire alarm interrupted the tryst before it could go very far, and Don caught a glimpse of Sal in flagrante delicto as he made his way down the fire escape. While viewers know enough about Don, his past, and his treatment of Peggy in her time of crisis, to know that he is unlikely to out him, Sal is palpably terrified of what Don's reaction will be. He says nothing until discussing their London Fog ad with him on the flight home, describing a woman in a trench coat revealing herself to a man (note that Shelly wore only a trenchcoat on her way downstairs during the fire alarm the night before). Don's copy: "Limit your exposure." A tad scolding, mostly sage advice to Sal in a time when neither his wife nor his coworkers would appreciate knowing what Sal doesn't want them to know. Kind of genius writing, Mad Men staff, well done. Interestingly, no sign of Kurt, last season's Gay-or-European (it's a trick, he's both!) around the office. Perhaps the new British bosses are not as tolerant of mock-turtleneck wearers?

Can't wait to tune in next week.
Mad Men, season 3, episode 1, "Out of Town." Sunday nights at 10pm on AMC.

*Taco Bell or some such has been using this term in radio ads to describe the sensation of eating spicy food. I think it's kind of gross, but also kind of fascinating (a lot like Lady GaGa), so I'm trying to figure out how best to reappropriate it.

The air went out...

...of my lungs approximately half a dozen times during the course of tonight's True Blood episode. The episode opened with Sookeh being coerced into sucking a wound on Eric's man-nipple, ostensibly to remove a piece of silver shrapnel embedded there during the suicide bombing from the end of last week's episode. Eric's predatory smile directly at the camera was so perversely awesome, it made the scene seem like a castoff from the cutting room floor of Lady GaGa's "Paparazzi" music video that Alexander Skarsgård guest-starred in.

This episode's main purpose was definitely to set up the love triangle between Eric, Bill, and Sookeh. Yawn! I mean, the episode was very enjoyable, and Sookeh's Eric-centric sex dream was funny and titillating, but I am just so bored by Sookeh and especially Bill now. I was never an Eric fan, until Godric came along and he suddenly became interesting. Okay that's a lie -- I think I started to like him when he worried about blood getting in the way of his dye job. I just think he could do better? I don't know, Sookeh was uncharacteristically exciting in her sex dream, so maybe Bill's dragging her down? We'll see. In any event, I enjoyed her scene with Jason, and I'm glad to see we can finally root for him.

Meanwhile, in Maryann-land, the story chugged along as slowly as usual. It's been kind of difficult for me to care at all about this storyline. I mean, I don't want Sam to die, but if he does I won't be too bothered. I hope Tara doesn't end up a casualty here though, as she's been likable in earlier episodes. Only three eps left in the season, and the mains are finally returning to Bon Temps, so I guess everything will start ramping up for the finale.

On to my favorite characters, Lafayette and Jessica. Lafayette had some excellent badass moments tonight, and I definitely want to see him end up saving the day at season end somehow. Jessica didn't get a whole lot of screen time, but Hoyt did finally introduce her to his momma, which raised a question about this show's vampire mythology which I have wondered about. Are the vampires on this show fertile? I would imagine not.

Alas, the show ended with Godric, a wonderfully written and acted character that I think we got far too little of. The final scene was very touching, of Godric accepting God and rising up in flames. It didn't make sense to me at first why Sookeh would want to be with Godric at his death, but after seeing him with Eric, and her with Eric, it began to make sense. Here's to Sookeh becoming likable, thanks to Eric.

True Blood season 2, episode 9, "I Will Rise Up." True Blood airs Sunday nights at 9pm on HBO.

Guest reviewer!

A special treat for you today! My dad saw Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince this weekend while in Mexico, and he wrote me a short review, which I told him I'd post on his behalf. So please enjoy the succinct stylings of my pops:

Dad: Can I write my one paragraph H. Potter review for you?
Kat: Yes please.
Dad: This movie was made to suck money out of persons who enjoyed the previous ones... It smelled like ass, looked like ass, and was ass! That's my review!
Kat: Really! Wow.
Dad: And you can quote my ass!
Kat: I will.
Dad: The last Harry Potter movie that I saw with subtitles was when I was with you in Prague and the subtitles were in Czech... It was great! The Spanish subtitles that were on the movie I saw last night in Monterrey, Mexico were more exciting than the movie! What a bore!

So there you have it folks. Hopefully my dad will do some more guest reviewing in the future.