um...really?

This post will be about Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, and will be almost entirely spoilers, so don't read it if you are still waiting to see it!

(SPOILERS!!!)

Disclaimer: I re-watched Raiders of the Lost Ark a few weeks ago with the intention of going through the whole franchise before the new movie came out, but the awesome power of the combination of laziness and busy-ness prevented me from getting to Temple of Doom and Last Crusade. I haven't seen those two since I was a kid, so I'm not an up-to-date expert on the Indyverse. Sorry.

Okay, so I saw this latest Indy exploit on Friday, and was all set to blog about it that night, but in the end I decided to give myself a couple of days to muse on the points which I'd had mixed feelings about. If you're reading these spoilers, then you know that the big to-do of the movie was, after all, little green men. Okay, for whatever silly reason they were "inter-dimensional beings" instead of creatures from another planet, but they were skinny, big-headed aliens in a flying saucer, fresh from the pages of the Weekly World News.

This denouement was the biggest problem I was having with the movie, and my take on it has only slightly softened with time. I was prepared to suspend disbelief...I mean, if only the Nazis had shut their eyes, their heads wouldn't have melted, right? I know not to except modernist realism. But little green men just seem too foreign to be seamlessly integrated into the South American historical exploration which is so fun for the bulk of the movie. Apparently the crystal skull mythology is well-tread territory, but the MacGuffin way in which its handled just throws all credibility out the window.

Shia LeBouf was surprisingly not annoying, and played off of Ford quite well. The chase and fight scenes were juvenile, and a mixed bag of entertainment. There was never as much of a sense of impending peril as in, say, Jurassic Park, and there were a few too many Shia-gets-hit-in-the-balls moments (in a row). Sword fighting - fine, cool. Swinging on vines with monkeys and using the skull as an orb of protection...this kind of stuff was just lame as can be. Also, Cate Blanchett, for once, fell flat in this role, in a horrible haircut, outfit, and accent, and was nothing to be afraid of.

The first twenty minutes were enjoyable, and gave me hope that the film might exceed my expectations. I was willing to wince past the refrigerator saving Indy in the NUCLEAR EXPLOSION because the rest of that scene was so cool. But once we got to South America, and the worst excuse ever for a Jonesy's-afraid-of-snakes reference, I was completely checked out of the movie. I've tried to give the filmmakers the benefit of the doubt that the environment of 1950s paranoia (Reds, moon men) is well-suited to the inclusion of little green men, but the execution was little more than the effort put in to a 50s sci-fi B movie that Mutt might have taken his best gal to. Too much CGI and not enough clarity in the plot...what an unfortunate, high-grossing vehicle for Ford (still hot) and Indy.

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One of the movies I finally got a chance to catch up with on the airplane was Transformers, starring Shia LaBeouf. Never much a viewer of the Disney Channel myself, I missed out on LaBeouf's turn as the less attractive of the Even Stevens, but I thought he was pretty charming in The Greatest Game in the World. I finally see what all the fuss is about, as he was incredibly likable (and surprisingly convincing) opposite Megan Fox in Transformers. Then again, she regularly macks on David Silver, so what do I know?

The technology of the transformers themselves was new to me, and fans of the cartoon can let me know if it was new to the film, but I was really impressed that the premise of alien life forces inhabiting earthly technology could be carried out so entertainingly. I had just thought that somebody created the cars to be able to turn into 'bots, but the alien thing is so much cooler.

There was an interesting contrast between the "forces in the U.S. Government are conspiring towards evil ends!" shtick, and the "soldiers are hunky and awesome" sentiment. The final decision of Optimus Prime regarding mere humans as important if sometimes misguided creatures, was pretty unexpected, as it refrained from judging everyone too much, which I suspect filmmakers are often wont to do.

• Superficial sidenote: Tad Hamilton... er, I mean Josh Duhamel, is very good looking in a white-bread sort of way (despite the fivehead). He's also been dating the Duchess of Questionable Gender, Fergie, for quite some time now. Fergie has irked me for an unknown reason ever since Wild Orchid, but I must say that her latest single "Clumsy" is very catchy. The doo-wop vibe makes it sound like something Amy Winehouse might make if she were happy (and had a competent producer by her side). Give it a listen and try to keep it out of your head!