For Keeps

Lately I've been watching volume 4 of The Secret Life of the American Teenager on DVD. [Sidenote: I hate when TV shows are released as volumes in a manner irrelevant to what season you are watching.] I cannot stop watching this terrible, awful show no matter how hard I try. I caught the first half of season one on DVD a couple of years ago, intrigued by how ABC Family would handle teenagers having sex (this is before I started watching Greek), but the acting was so painfully amateur that I stopped watching.

A year or so later I was watching The Soup on E!, where they showed a clip of character Grace, whom I had remembered from the first few episodes as being strictly Christian and virginal. In this clip, however, she was pleading, "Dad died a terrible, terrible death, because I had great sex, and I will never forgive myself for that!" Whhaaaa? I was so intrigued that I put the show back on my Netflix queue, curious to see how the show had gotten to such a point. Surely the quality had improved as the show had gained popularity and experience.

I have to interrupt myself here to say that I love trashiness. I mean, I'm someone who has stuck with Gossip Girl after it got ridiculous (well, it was always ridiculous). I have segments of I Love New York 2 (season 2 > season 1, obviously) memorized. So, in wondering how The Secret Life would have gotten to the point I had seen it at in the aforementioned clip, my mind reeled. I tried to think of ways in which Grace could have killed her father with sex. My favorite was thinking that she and her lantern-jawed boyfriend were going at it so intensely, the bed fell through the floor and landed on the father who is just sitting downstairs reading the bible.

Look, suffice it to say, what actually happened was nowhere near that cool. I sat through however many discs of this dry, dull, and stupid TV show to get to that scene, and it was definitely not worth it. I decided to stop watching for good, until I heard that Bristol Palin was going to be guest starring in the current season, so here I am again, catching up on DVD, hating every minute, and hoping for some kind of payoff.

Now look, there has been a lot of derision geared towards Bristol Palin, before and since her appearance on this show, and that upsets me. Politics completely aside, a teenage girl made the mistake of having unprotected sex, and got pregnant. Like millions of others. She was placed in the public spotlight by no desire of her own, and tried to make the best of it. So she's not a good actress, fine, but I just wish people would lay off of her. Anyway.

So, here I am watching this show. I want to like it. I want it to be good. I'm a huge advocate for comprehensive sex education, and I feel that if children were taught more thoroughly about healthy, safe sex, it would improve so many things. Fewer unplanned pregnancies, STDs, healthier people, fewer unplanned-for children to care for, less sexual assault, better sex lives, happier people! I want there to be a popular, sex-positive TV show that teaches teens the real facts about the one thing they can't stop thinking about anyway. And if this is that show, why is it the worst? The writing and acting are awful, which is just unfortunate. But also, the messages about sex are so mixed!

Last night I watched an episode called "Just Say Me," in which the girls organize a Lysistrata-esque campaign to withhold sex from the boys, and to make doing so easier by promoting masturbation. This seemed promising! Teenage girls talking openly about masturbation, showing healthy sexual desire, and staying safe! And then they were all slut-shamed for doing something 'embarrassing,' even though it's okay for boys to do it, and they were pressured into feeling guilty for taking sex away from the boys. OH MY GOD. This, people, is rape culture. This is the pervasive attitude that women do not have sex for any reason other than to please men, and it is their obligation to do so.

I guess this would be a good show for teenagers to watch with their parents, to foster discussion about these things. Why I'm still watching it is a mystery. I mean, it's basically middle-class Gossip Girl, but with worse writing and acting. Worse writing than Gossip Girl, people. What is wrong with me? What is wrong with everything?!

Summer in the City, Pt. III (TV)

As many of you know, television has long been my beloved mistress, my perfect drug. Now with TiVo, and Netflix instant streaming, my TV consumption really has gotten out of hand. I've done a lot of catching up on older shows, and following summer shows, and I am kind of getting antsy waiting for the fall shows to premiere. As always, thoughts of the many months we must wait before the final season of Lost only serve to distress me. On to happier thoughts:

So You Think You Can Dance (Fox, Wednesdays at 8pm & Thursdays at 9pm)

I've been a fan of SYTYCD since season 2, and I love it no less now than I did then. The dancing is still spectacular, the variety of styles given exposure is admirable, and as a dancer, I just love how inspirational the show is to keep everyone moving to the music. That all said, this season was mostly a dud. Perhaps the show's creators and choreographers were overworked, preparing for the show's first fall season while filming their summer season, but there were not too many stand-out performances - or performers - this year. Mary Murphy is continually a thorn in my side, and the bizarre Katie Holmes interlude was just...off-kilter (or maybe I'm just an SP). I am still looking forward to the fall season though. Can't go wrong with more dance.

True Blood (HBO, Sundays at 9pm)

Obsessed. I have a complicated relationship with the vampire genre of late, but this show is just so ridiculous, I can't get enough. It's a soft-core pornographic soap opera about vampires, created by Alan Ball. What more could anyone ask for? As per uzh, the main characters Bill and Sookie are pretty damn annoying, but the sheer awesomeness of Jessica, Lafayette, and Eric is just so worth it.

Mad Men (AMC, Sundays at 10pm)

This is a show that I have watched exclusively on DVD, so I am just over the moon about being all caught up before the next season premieres next Sunday. It's a wonderful show with a lot of women behind the scenes, and a lot of compelling women on screen as well. Peggy Olson is one of the most interesting characters I've seen in a long time, and I am so eager to see where everyone will pick up after hiatus.

Hung (HBO, Sundays at 10pm)

This one of the couple of shows each season that isn't particularly great, but isn't bad, and I just watch it because it's on. Like Penn & Teller's Bullshit which is just a timefiller. I think Anne Heche is doing a good job on the show, and I'm interested in seeing where Ray and Tanya's relationship goes. Tanya's a refreshing surprise in an otherwise unremarkable new show.

The Secret Life of the American Teenager (ABC Family, Mondays at 8pm)

This show is so, so bad. The acting is bad. The writing is bad. The acting - really, you have to see it. I can't get enough of this horrible horrible show. I have been catching up on DVD, and am one season behind. It is the greatest guilty pleasure of all time. Look at that picture. That bump is a more obvious indicator of farce than a drag queen's Adam's apple.