The best part about the episode is that everyone was shocked and outraged about a rumor that Serena has an STD, and Serena says Gossip Girl is usually too "classy" for this kind of filth. Um, where has she been for the past four seasons, no it's not. Statistically, Serena and the other UESiders all should have at least one strain of HPV. Do you see Lily rousing herself from her heroin den long enough to get her kids vaccinated with Gardasil? Plus Chuck and Nate at least have a history with sex workers, and I suspect, each other. Now, I'm not saying that having X amount of sexual partners guarantees that a person will have a venereal disease, it's just that these characters are always swapping partners and never talking about condoms, so I assume they are exposing themselves to risk. Especially since Dan and Nate seem to only have considered the notion of getting tested just now. Heads up: you are supposed to get tested every time you are with a new partner, kids.
The whole storyline of Chuck plotting to take Columbia away from Blair, while Jailbird tries to take it away from Serena, and there are professors who can be bribed with dates made by 20-year-olds, and you can ask your friends to register you for classes...ugh, this was too much to handle. It was funny seeing Chuck on campus, clearly disgusted but willing to do what it takes to bring down Blair, at least. But why are Dan and Vanessa hanging out at Columbia so much? Don't they go to NYU, the land of movie star threesomes and Lady GaGa performance art (same thing)? Whatever.
I am so over Nate's mystery bitch. Why does everyone trust her? Vanessa, with her dead eyes, telling her "i am so glad u are with nate u make a gud couple REBOOT." Isn't she constantly being outed as a seekret baddy? I hope they don't drag out gaol guy all season, because it is so painful trying to care if bad stuff happens to Serena, when all I want is for bad stuff to happen to Serena. So when she was almost expelled for sexting her professor, I kinda thought that was pretty great, especially at the fancy secret society party where the professors and the Dean and the NYU students get to attend.
I loved Rufus asking Vanessa to open up to him about his son's bad behavior. Remember when Rufus (hot) and Vanessa (ugh) ran a coffee shop / art gallery together (the place where Dan lost his V-card to his now-sister Serena)? I hope they hook up this season, as they've clearly been doing off-camera for the past two.
Joan's rapist husband the Vietnam doctor is on Gossip Girl now (I guess that means spoiler alert for Mad Men), as like, parallel-universe Chuck. A well-dressed guy sending off a different girl in a cab every morning, and using it as an excuse to hit on a drugged-out homewrecker. Serena is so terrible, I hope she and this guy date and then he recruits her into a pyramid scheme. Gossip Girl season 5: Caged Heat: White Collar. Or something.
Also, Chuck using a "pie" reference was as lame as Blair saying "hundys" last week. You're better than that, Chuck.
Then I fell asleep.
|Gossip Girl, Mondays at 9pm on The CW|